Fuck this movie!
Okay, I really do have to apologize for “ruining” everyone’s night and movie-going experience here, but come on, someone has to step up to the plate and get this out in the open.
What the fuck is up with people leaving doors open all the time?
I get that it’s not “real” and that this is “just a movie”, but can we all just agree that the director of this film is one absent-minded fuck?
Okay, so here’s how it plays out, for those who missed it:
Carl races over to Jenny’s house to confess his love, she opens the door, and he plants a big ol’ juicy one, and then the proceed to bump uglies. The camera gives all those beautiful slow motion shots, the slow, mystical sex fade shots, overlapping bod parts, and all that shit.
But while you people are totally engrossed in these actors dry-humping each other on screen, I am STILL fixated on how that douche left the god damn door open.
How does that happen? Every other part of this movie is reasonably realistic, and then the guy comes into the apartment, the two people fuck, and they don’t even have the mid-set to shut the fucking door?
While we’re all enjoying a cuddly softcore porn moment, this bitch’s apartment is getting robbed, her fucking cat got out, and a serial killer sliced their unsuspecting throats.
While they are racing for “who gets the O first”, her TV is being jacked, Snuggles is slipping out into the wintery cold, and that DOOR is still FUCKING open!
It’s like one of those beer commercials, where a guy offers his pal a brew, they don’t even actually drink it, and the guy doesn’t close the fridge.
Who doesn’t close a fridge?
Congratulations, GUY, your awesome beer that you just plugged is going to get piss warm. The milk? Sour as shit. Forget about your deer meat. It’s fucked.
And, excuse me for back-tracking, but remember that scene where the dude tripped and fell through the window?
Barely a scratch. I’ve fallen through a window, man. I’ve fallen through PLENTY of windows.
You get FUCKED.
Seriously, no one else is seeing this shit? Do you not CARE that this movie is side-swiping you with ridiculous shit that makes no sense?
Screw it. I’m done with this. You can call me the bad guy all you want for “ruining” your precious movie experience, but you should be THANKING me,
I’m just going to go home now, leave my door wide open, drink a brew, and let my entire loaded fridge rot with the door open.
This is getting ri-gosh-damn-diculous.
